How Can You Learn To Say No?

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Sometimes  it is difficult for us to say no to someone even if saying yes means compromising your space and peace of mind. Here is how you can learn to say no.

Heer Khant

Famous writer Paulo Coelho once said, “When you say ‘yes’ to others, make sure you are not saying ‘no’ to yourself.”

There are one sort of people who can say no to something with perfect ease, as if it comes naturally to them and then another set of people who find it difficult to refuse a request even if it comes at the cost of their own mental peace.

It is alright to help people but if the help that you want to give to others comes at the cost of troubling yourself then you are not loving yourself enough. Learning to say no helps you prioritize on what is important. How do you learn to do that?

1. Understand That You Cannot Please Everyone:

You cannot be a people pleaser. No matter what you do or how carefully you do that, someone will end up getting hurt. You just cannot make everyone happy and you don’t even have to. So say no and choose to say yes to things that really matter. Being happy, and getting their personal jobs done are every individual’s responsibility.

2. Detach Yourself From The Guilt:

The world does function without one person. You don’t have to go out of the way for everyone and do what they asked you to do simply because you feel that if you don’t do it, no one will. There will always be some guilt after saying no, but the key to detaching yourself from it is understanding that you are human, who needs to stand up for your own good. You didn’t sabotage anything, you simply said you won’t do it.

3. Draw Your Own Limits:

There are certain lines you should never cross. You cannot drive for 4 hours for a friend to deliver a parcel simply because you cannot say no. Analyse what is reasonable and what you can do.  You don’t become a bad person for valuing the commitment you made to yourself. Set your limits and don’t step beyond those unless it is extremely necessary.

4. Buy Some Time To Think:

Even if you are tempted to say yes, buy some time to think it over. Say, “I’ll think over it.” Contemplate. It is easier to say no after you have applied brakes to the cycle of saying yes. Then use a phrase like, “It is extremely inconvenient for me to do it right now, I am so sorry.” Do you really have the time to do it? Are the best person for that job? No? Then why do it?

5. Be Aware Of Manipulators & Emotional Blackmailers:

Your gut feelings will come to your aid when you have to differentiate between the genuine ones and the fake ones. Some people will use the technique of emotional blackmail to persuade you to say yes – something like, “Once you say yes to this guy and get married, I will die in peace.” Some will manipulate you to persuade you into doing something they want you to. Beware of such people. Trust your instincts to help you say no.

Saying no, will help you free up a lot of time that you can put to constructive use. Start practicing today! And you don’t have to explain yourself.

Heer Khant
Heer Khant

Traveller | Writer | Photographer | Maverick | Social Worker | Lawyer | A freedom-loving woman for whom words are like wings to her soul. She believes in aliens, hates boundaries and lives like the first human on Earth.

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