“Sridevi Was An Extremely Unhappy Woman”: Ram Gopal Varma Pens An Open Letter

Ram Gopal Varma wrote an open letter to the fans of Sridevi and revealed a lot about how the actress was in real life as opposed to how we perceived her to be in reel life.

Ram Gopal Varma wrote a ‘love letter to Sridevi’s fans’.

Photo: deccanchronicle.in

He said that he wrote the letter after putting a lot of thought and to put the truth in front of the people. In the letter, he says, “Sridevi’s life is a classic case of how a celebrity’s persons actual life is completely different from how the rest of the outside world perceives it.”

He goes on to say, “So in effect the woman desired by millions in the world was all alone and almost penny less in the world except for one Boney. Boney ‘s mother portrayed her as a home breaker and publically punched her in the stomach in a five-star hotel lobby for what she did to Boney’s first wife Mona. In this entire period except for the short glimmer of English Vinglish, Sridevi has been pretty much an extremely unhappy woman.”

Commenting on her beauty he says, “She was the most beautiful woman for so many people. But did she think she was beautiful? Yes she did, but every actresses nightmare is age and she was no exception. For years she was doing occasional cosmetic surgeries the effects of which can be clearly seen.” He adds, “She had to put on the makeup and be somebody else not just in front of the camera, but also to put a psychological makeup to hide her real self behind the camera.”

Here is the full text of the letter:

“I debated with myself whether I should put this out because of some names mentioned but i strongly felt SRIDEVI belongs to her fans more than anyone else and they deserve to know the truth

MY LOVE LETTER TO SRIDEVI’S FANS
—Ram Gopal Varma

YES like millions of you,I too believed that she was the most beautiful and desirable woman ever and we all know that she was the biggest super star of the country and ruled the silver screen as a main heroine for more than 20 years. But that’s just a part of the story. However shocked and sad I feel about Sridevi’s death, it’s finally once again a rude reminder about how unpredictable, cruel,fragile and mysterious that both life and death are.

After her death ,more than you all there is definitely much more for me to say than what most people are saying now about,how beautiful she was, what a great actress she was, how her death affected them, ” RIP”s etc etc.

That’s because I had an opportunity to be close to her in the course of my two Films with her Kshanakshanam and Govinda Govinda. Sridevi’s life is a classic case of how a celebrity’s persons actual life is completely different from how the rest of the outside world perceives it.
For many, Sridevi’s life was perfect . Beautiful face, great talent, seemingly stable family with two beautiful daughters. From outside everything looked so enviable and desirable… But was Sridevi a very happy person and did she lead a very happy life?

I know her life from the time I met her . I saw with my own eyes how her life was like a bird in the sky till her father’s death and then became like a bird in a cage due to her overprotective mother. In those days actors used to be only paid in mostly black money and due to fear of tax raids her father used to trust friends and relatives and everyone of them betrayed her the moment her father died. Coupled with this the ignorant mother made many wrong investments in litigated properties and all those mistakes combined made her almost penny less by the time Boney came into her life.

He himself was in huge debts and all he could afford was to give her a shoulder to cry on
Her mother became a mental patient because of a wrong surgery on her brain in USA and somewhere along the way her younger sister Srilatha eloped and got married to their neighbours son. The mother before dying put all properties in Sridevi’s name but her sister put a case on Sridevi claiming that her mother was insane and not in her senses when she signed the will.

So in effect the woman desired by millions in the world was all alone and almost penny less in the world except for one Boney. Boney ‘s mother portrayed her as a home breaker and publically punched her in the stomach in a five star hotel lobby for what she did to Boney’s first wife Mona.

In this entire period except for the short glimmer of English vinglish Sridevi has been pretty much an extremely unhappy woman. The uncertainty of the future,the ugly turns and twists in her private life left deep scars in the super stars sensitive mind and there after she was never at peace.

She went through so much in her life and due to her early career entry as a child artiste,life never gave her time to grow up at a normal pace. More than the external peace, her internal mental state was of a high degree of concern and this forced her to look at her own self .
She was the most beautiful woman for so many people. But did she think she was beautiful ? Yes she did ,but every actresses nightmare is age and she was no exception. For years she was doing ocassional cosmetic surgeries the effects of which can be clearly seen.

She always came across as a little uptight but that’s because she built a psychological wall around her as she was scared of anybody to really see what’s going on within her. She was panicky about anybody knowing what her insecurities were. Not because of her fault, but because she was thrust with fame from a very young age it never gave her a chance to be independant and be what she could really be and what she really wanted to be.

She had to put on the make up and be somebody else not just infront of the camera,but also to put a psychological make up to hide her real self behind the camera. She was being constantly directed by the motives of her parents,her relatives, her husband and to an extent even her own children… She was scared whether her daughters would be accepted or not like most star parents do.

Sridevi is actually a child trapped in a woman’s body ..she is naive as a person, but suspicious because of her bitter experiences which is not a very good combination. Keeping the speculations on her death aside I generally don’t say ” Rest In Peace” after people die, but in her case, I want to really say this because I very strongly believe that she would finally and truly rest in peace now for the first time in her life because she died.

From my personal experience with her, the only time I ever saw her in peace was in front of the camera that too only between Action and Cut…That’s because she could cut off the harsh reality and escape into her own fantasy world.

That’s why now I am sure she will be at peace forever because she’s finally far far away from what gave her and was giving her so much pain. RIP Sridevi, but I assure u that the world won’t rest in peace for doing this to you.

We the fans and your near ones have given you only suffering by making you slog in every which way ever since you were a child but you gave us only joy and happiness. Yes, it’s not a fair deal but it’s too late to do anything now. I now have visions of you flying like a free bird across heavenly land scapes with true peace and happiness in your eyes.

I don’t believe in reincarnation but I truly want to believe in it now because we fans in our next birth deserve to experience you once again and this time we will try our best to make amendments and make ourselves worthy enough to deserve you.

Please give us that one chance Sridevi because we all truly love you.

I can go on writing like this but I can’t stop my tears anymore… RGV.”

Before Varma wrote this letter, he had written another one titled ‘I hate God for killing Sridevi and I hate Sridevi for dying.’ In this letter her reminiscences how he met Sridevi, “She was like a creation of God which he does whenever he is in a very special mood as a very very special gift to mankind. My journey to Sridevi started when I was preparing for my debut film ‘Shiva’. I used to walk from Nagarjuna’s office in Chennai to a neighbouring street where Sridevi used to live and I used to just stand and watch Sridevi’s house from outside her gate.”

He adds, “And then after ‘Shiva’ released and became a big hit, a producer came to me and asked if I was interested in doing a film with Sridevi. I said “Are you mad or what? I will die to just see her, let alone make a film with her!”He arranged a meeting with her and took me to meet her at that very same house where I used to stand outside the gate and stare. At night we went and as luck would have it there was a power cut in her house. so I was sitting in her living room in candle light along with the producer waiting for the angel to appear and my heart was thumping like mad.”

Read the full text of this letter here:

“I HATE GOD FOR KILLING SRIDEVI AND I HATE SRIDEVI FOR DYING .

I have a habit of constantly dreaming and waking up every once in a while in the night to check out my cell phone and I suddenly saw a message that Sridevi is no more ..I thought that either it’s a nightmare or a hoax and I went back to sleep…An hour later I woke up to check and there were around 50 messages informing me of the same.

Back in the times when I was in engineering college in Vijayawada, I happened to see her first telugu film “padaharella vayasu”.. I was awestruck with her Beauty and I walked out of the theatre in a daze thinking that she cannot be a real person and she has to be some fantasy form who somehow has taken a human shape. Then I saw her various other films,all of which constantly created a higher bench mark of both her talent and her beauty ..To me she looked like some being who has come from some other world in the outer space as a favour to bless us for a little while for all the good we might have done in this world .

She was like a creation of God which he does whenever he is in a very special mood as a very very special gift to mankind. My journey to Sridevi started when I was preparing for my debut film ‘Shiva’. I used to walk from Nagarjuna’s office in Chennai to a neighbouring street where Sridevi used to live and I used to just stand and watch Sridevi’s house from outside her gate.
I just couldn’t believe that the goddess of beauty lives in that stupid looking house. I say stupid because I believed that no man made house deserved to house that beauty called SRIDEVI. I used to so desperately hope to catch a glimpse of her as she went in or out of her house. But sadly no such thing ever happened.

And then after ‘Shiva’ released and became a big hit,a producer came to me and asked if I was interested in doing a film with Sridevi. I said “Are you mad or what? I will die to just see her, let alone make a film with her!”He arranged a meeting with her and took me to meet her at that very same house where I used to stand outside the gate and stare. At night we went and as luck would have it there was a power cut in her house. so I was sitting in her living room in candle light along with the producer waiting for the angel to appear and my heart was thumping like mad.

Her mother told us she was busy packing as she was about to catch a flight to go to Mumbai. As we were waiting, every once in a while Sridevi was rapidly crossing the living room as she was moving from one room to another room in a rush to finish her packing even as she apologetically smiled at me for the delay. Everytime she was appearing and disappearing in a flash and the director in me started slow motioning her and running her backward and forward for my visual pleasure.

Finally she came and sat in the living room, just said a mandatory few lines that she would very much like to work with me and then she left for Mumbai. I continued talking to her mother with enormous respect and awe because she actually gave birth to Sridevi. I went back to my place feeling like I was in the seventh heaven. The way Sridevi sat in front of me in the candle light got imprinted in my mind like an exquisite painting and with her image completely filling both my mind and my heart I started writing Kshana Kshanam.

I wrote Kshana Kshanam with the one and only purpose so as to impress Sridevi. Kshana Kshanam was intended by me as a love letter to her. Throughout the making of Kshana Kshanam,I just couldn’t take my eyes off her charm, her beauty,her personality and her demeanour was a new discovery for me.

She had an invisible wall around her and she does not let anyone cross that. Behind that wall she maintains her dignity and her self-respect and she never lets anyone inside. Also during the course of working with her and observing her technique of acting I began to understand more and more as a director about the nuances of performances and characterizations because for me she formed the epitome of cinematic acting.

Her popularity and stardom had to be seen to be believed. We were shooting for the climax in Nandyal for Kshana Kshanam and the whole town of Nandyal came to a standstill when they came to know that Sridevi was in town. Banks, Govt offices, Schools, Colleges everything in town closed as everyone wanted to see Sridevi.

She stayed in a traveller’s bungalow in Nandyal and at a little distance i was staying in another bungalow. There used to be a crowd of atleast 20,000 people around her bungalow throughout the night just staring at it. There were about 50 tough guys along with a 100 strong police force who used to continuously guard her.

When we were at location we used to know that Sridevi started from her bungalow to come to location because we used to see a column of dust travelling towards us from the distance. The dust was due to the thousands of people running behind her car. I have never seen more of a super star and now she just got extinguished.

Sridevi is the most beautiful and the most sensuous woman,God ever created and I think he creates such exquisite pieces of art like her only once in a thousand years. Though she is no longer there, we her directors fortunately have her captured as a goddess of beauty in our cameras and our cinematic angel has now just become a divine angel.

I thank God for creating Sridevi and I thank Louis Lumiere for creating the movie camera for giving us an opportunity to contain her forever. I still can’t believe that she is no more and I am lying in bed writing about my memories of her.

I so hope I am still having a bad dream,but I know I am not.
I hate Sridevi.
I hate her for making me realise that she too is finally only just a human being.
I hate that her heart too has to beat to live.
I hate that,she too has a heart which can just stop like anybody else’s.
I hate that I lived to see the messages informing me of her death
I hate God for killing her
And I hate Sridevi for dying .

I love you Sri wherever you are… and I will always love you.”

After writing the first letter, RGV also posted another status:


Sridevi passed away at Jumeirah Emirates Towers Hotel room no. 2201 in Dubai on February 24th, 2018. At first the cause of her death was said to be cardiac arrest, however later as per her death certificate it was said to be ‘accidental drowning’.

Heer Khant
Heer Khant

Traveller | Writer | Photographer | Maverick | Social Worker | Lawyer | A freedom-loving woman for whom words are like wings to her soul. She believes in aliens, hates boundaries and lives like the first human on Earth.

No Comments Yet

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.

‘Cocktail Zindagi’ is not just a publication, it is a journey in itself in which you play an important character. We work to bring you stories not only from the crème de la crème but also from the grass root level.We also write content that portrays the beautiful shades of life, thus the name ‘Cocktail Zindagi’.